The Belligerent Years
Things I would probably say to tattooed lady Kat Von D on our imaginary date
Posted by thebelligerentyears
Jan 28, 2008 at 12:39 am
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Did that hurt?

No, not the tattoo, I mean the realization that they will never cover up all your feelings of sadness.  Just kidding.  With that many, they just might.

Do you want more breadsticks?

I’ve never seen your show.  What’s it about?

I have to go to the bathroom.  If the waiter comes before I get back, could you tell him I would like a Diet Pepsi?

Did you miss me?

If you have babies, will they be born with baby tattoos?

So…what did you think of “Juno”?  I haven’t seen it.

Are all of clothes made of leather?  Even your bathrobe?

Would you share a plate of ‘Tater Skins with me?

I’m feeling a real connection here.  How about you?

Do you mind getting the check?  I’m a little tapped right now.

Why no, I’m not “fucking crazy”.  Why do you ask?

 

 



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The Secret History of Inter-city Sports Betting
Posted by thebelligerentyears
Jan 27, 2008 at 12:06 am
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The mayor of Seattle made a bet with the mayor of Green Bay, Wisconsin before the playoff game back in January. The Mayor of Seattle said that if the Seattle Seahawks won, the Mayor of Green Bay Wisconsin would send the Mayor of Seattle some bratwurst, cheese, and root beer. The Mayor of Green Bay said if Green Bay won, Seattle’s Mayor would send the Mayor of Green Bay, Jones Soda and salmon.

 

What most people do not know is that this tradition is older than the game of football and has been party to some great moments of history.

 

After the dissolution of the Soviet Union, Prime Minister Mikhail Gorbachev, sent President George HW Bush a sampler case of Russian vodkas and rare edition of Boris Pasternak’s novel “Doctor Zhivago” with erotic woodcut illustrations.

 

After the fall of Saigon, the US ambassador to Saigon, Graham Martin, sent the mayor of the newly dubbed Ho Chi Minh City, a six-pack of RC Cola and the soundtrack to “The Godfather” on reel-to-reel tape. The gifts went unused, as the Communist Party had official endorsed the 8-track cassette as their preferred audio format in 1972 and Nesbitt’s Orange as their official soft drink.

 

At the conclusion of the American Civil War, Jefferson Davis sent Abraham Lincoln a “Lil Southern Gentleman Beard De-Ticking Kit”. It was reported that Lincoln was so surprised by the thoughtfulness of Davis’s gift that he wept openly for twenty minutes upon receiving it.

 

At the end of the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon Bonaparte made the world’s first muffin baskets by hand and had them sent to the Duke of Wellington and Gebhard Von Blucher. The generals were said to be confused by the muffins and perceived the baskets as an insult.

 

At the end of his participation in the Crusades, King Edward I sent the Egyptian Mamluks an oversized jewel-encrusted gold crucifix, as a parting gift. They send it back with a note explaining, “Thanks, but no thanks” and that King Edward had “missed the point”.



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