The Belligerent Years
In the Event of My Death at Disneyland: a Supplemental Last Will and Testament
Posted by thebelligerentyears
Sep 15, 2008 at 8:43 pm
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This is to be considered a supplement to my final will and testament, only to be enacted on the occasion of my accidental death at Disneyland.  This will makes the assumption that my death is caused be negligence on the park of Disneyland and not my own.  This will also assumes a rather large cash settlement to my estate.

  1. I hereby bequeath 10,000 dollars to graffiti artists for the sole purpose of spray painting penises or penis-like shapes on to city bus billboards.  It should be the artist’s intent to try to draw the penises near pictures of open mouths, whenever possible.  I will make no restrictions on the color, size or girth of the penises, as long as the image can be identified as one. Extra monies are to be earmarked for penises drawn near sportscaster’s mouths.
  2. I hereby bequeath 20,000 worth of laser treatments to any persons who received a Star Wars prequel character tattoo, before seeing the film of its origin.  Tattoos of  Aurra Sing or Shmi Skywalker take precedence over ones of Jar Jar Binks, unless the Jar Jar tattoo appears on the face, hands, or breasts.
  3. I hereby bequeath 100,000 dollars to build a public park, to be named “Shitty Park”.  After its completion, Shitty Park will not be maintained or improved.  It should be available to residents 24/7 364 days a year.  Shitty Park’s fixtures should be roughly assembled and easy to dismantle and large enough to temporarily shield criminal activity.  On the one day a year that Shitty Park is not open, it will be set aflame.
  4. I hereby request that my body be cremated in a Viking-style funeral on one of the rafts to Tom Sawyer’s Island.  This is to occur after dusk, but so soon after dusk that visitors to the park will not have a chance to finish their smoked turkey leg, before the smell of burning human remains wafts through Frontier-land.



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Spec Script for “Entourage”
Posted by thebelligerentyears
Sep 5, 2008 at 8:53 pm
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SPEC SCRIPT FOR THE HBO TELEVISION PROGRAM “ENTOURAGE”

FADE IN:

INT. THE HOME OF VINCENT CHASE

VINCENT

Man, I’m bored.  I can’t think of a thing to do.

VINCENT’S BROTHER

Have you had any pussy today, Bro?  I’m craving pussy almost as much as a meatball submarine sandwich from that little sandwich place in our hometown of New York City.

THE FAT GUY WHO ALWAYS WEARS A BASEBALL CAP

Nah man, Vince doesn’t need pussy, he needs to smoke some drugs.  Want me to go buy some smoking drugs for ya?

THE WIMPY MANAGER DUDE

Come on guys, Vince has got three scripts to read this afternoon.  If he doesn’t choose between one of these fantastic big-budget blockbusters we might have to get real jobs and there will be no pussy or smoking drugs for any of us.

VINCENT

I’m feeling reckless.  Maybe I should buy a new watch made out of super gold.

ARI

Did somebody say my name?

EVERYBODY (PERTURBED)

ARI!

ARI

Pussy. Queer. Shit. Piss. James Cameron. Cock. Queer.  Miramax.  Asshole.  Cunt. Photo Op.

Vincent

That’s your solution to everything, Ari.  I can’t do it this time.  I’m quitting being a movie star.

VINCENT’S BROTHER

Don’t do it bro.  Think of all the pussy.  If you won’t do it for me, at least think about the pussy.

TFGWAWABC

Yeah Vince, think of the pussy and the smoking drugs that we have after the pussy.  Its not fair to the pussy.

WIMPY MANAGER DUDE

(Wringing his hands and kicking pebbles on the ground)

Vince, these scripts aren’t gonna read themselves.  I have to stalk this girl I like this afternoon, so I don’t have all day.

ARI

Queer. Fag. Homo.  Oh hey, I almost forgot the reason I came here.  I’ve got a script for you Vince.  It’s the one you’ve always dreamt of.

VINCENT

No thanks, I’m quitting being a movie star.  I’m gonna go back to my hometown of New York City.

ARI

You don’t want to read a script from the re-animated corpse of Stanley Kubrick?

EVERYBODY

Whoa!

VINCENT

Re-animated?

ARI

That’s right, buddy.  They just brought him back and the first thing he said was, “Must…work…with…Vincent…Chase…”.

TFGWAWABC

Dude, that’s almost as awesome as smoking drugs.

WIMPY MANAGER DUDE

Yeah, it really is.

VINCENT

I dunno.  I was pretty sure I was done being a movie star.   (thinks for minute)  Okay. Let’s do it!

ALL

Hooray!!!

VINCENT’S BROTHER

(checks Iphone)

Vince, I just got a message.  There is a bunch of pussy being held hostage at city hall.

VINCENT

Quick, guys -to our Lamborghinis, asap!

TFGWAWABC

Vince, We don’t have Lamborghinis.

VINCENT

(taps a few buttons on his cell phone)

You do now.

EVERYBODY CHEERS

HOORAY!!!

END SCENE



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